Bridget Jones: The End of SpinsterHood
by mariel
Summary: The continuation of Bridget Jones's Diary: The Edge of Reason
1. Saturday 31 December

**_Saturday 31 December _**

_129 lbs, alcohol units 5 (v.g), calories 1500, calories used by shags 2500 (rather like celery, must write book about new revolutionary sex filled diet, mmm) boyfriends for New Year's 1 _

2:10pm: Hurrah! Still have boyfriend, and am not in fact moving to Thailand.(Not that I wouldn't have, just prefer Thai takeaway as apposed to actual Thai country.) Mark's firm decided not to send him to Thailand. 

2:11pm: Hmm. Wonder if Thailand is a state, or is it a country? 

2:15pm: Mmm. Maybe Mark will go back to New York, and take me with him. Then we could be like Luke Brandon and Becky Bloomwood in that Shopahoic book. Mark in fact is v. much like Luke. Workaholic, non-shopaholic, against girl gossip. Actually there was something else...can't remember it though. Bugger. 

Wonder where Mark has gone off to. Said he had to get something. That was an hour ago. 

2:30pm: Oh god. What if he met Rebecca at the store? Or Natasha? Or his ex-wife? Oh god. I don't even know his ex-wife's name. What if she's really his secretary (probably had surgery done) and they've been shagging all this time? GAH! Oh, it's just the phone. 

3:15pm: Was Magda calling to about the party tonight. 

"I think Mark's shagging Rebecca. Or Natasha. I don't know which. "It just came out. I didn't mean for it too, obviously. It just happened. I know it's probably not true, and if it is, than he really is v. good shagging two or more girls all on the same day. Actually, when you think about it, it's not that bad. How many girls can say their boyfriends are that good in- 

"Bridget, he's upstairs with Jeremy." 

Oh. Oooooh. I remember now. Something about a case. Don't remember actually, as at the time my mind was a bit, erm, preoccupied? 

"And no he's not shagging Rebecca, or Natasha." 

"How do you know that?" 

"Jeremy told me." 

"Oh." 

"We've been over this before Bridget. If he wanted to be with them, he would be." 

"That's what you said last time. Then he went of with Rebecca." 

"You're the one who..." she stopped. "Hold on," and I heard Jeremy yell something down the stairs. 

"Bridget, Mark wants to know if you're staying at his place tonight, because if you are, he should probably call to have someone clean it up." 

"SEE! He probably had Natasha there and wants to hide the evidence." 

"Bridget, is it possible that perhaps this had something to do with the Christmas party you had over there last week, when the maid was let off to see her son?" 

Oh. Right. 

7:30pm: Am just waiting for Mark to come pick me up. He called before leaving Magda's to say he needed to pick up his clothes from his house. Didn't mind too much as needed time alone in the bathroom doing beautifying things. Mark took me last week to buy a dress for the Christmas party, and we ended up getting four or five. He seemed to have lots of fun shopping, especially picking out the knickers. Made v. sure this time though to avoid all scary pants. 

Ooof. He's here. Got to run. 


	2. Sunday 1 January

**_Sunday 1 Januaray_**

_131 lbs, alcohol units 20/30 (who's counting, it's not like I have a problem, it is New Years after all), calories (depressing sort of number), boyfriends for Una's Turkey Curry Buffet 1, times wished could stay in bathroom all day 412 _

7:03am: Oh god. Oh bugger. Really must try and do something about making the sun less bright. Ughhh. 

11:47am: Finally made it out of bed, got dressed, and climbed into the car. It was rather funny to see Mark as pissed as I was. He only usually has little bit, but not last night. Think he may be slighty stressed about work. Luckily he thought ahead and ordered the chauffeur to take us to Una's today. Mmm. Is rather lovely though, going to Una's in chauffered car with M. Darcy. Ugh. Am deffinatly giving up drinking. 

7:56pm: Am finally on way home after hellish tourture day. When we arrived Mark and I were asleep in the back, it was quite cozy actually. Maybe Charlie should drive us around more often. Still it would have been nicer to be back at home, in my own bathroom. 

"Bridget! Mark! We were just talking about you!" 

"Oh...lovely. Hi Uncle Geoffery." He moved for the simulanious hug/ass groping when Mark swooped in. Hurrah! 

"Oh Mark! We're so happy to see you? Mini-gherkin? Ooh! Jamie's over there. Why don't you say hi?" 

"Pam! The gravey I think it needs-" 

"I'll be right there Una! Honestly..." 

The rest of the day passed in a fuzzy blurry sort of way. Mum kept coming over and tutting at me every now and again. After the whole Rebecca disaster she's been ringing me up with what she calls "Helpful Hints." I told Mark about her hints (well, actually he overheard me talking to Shaz about their merit) and he laughed then said my Dad needs to find her a new career besides me. So far the only thing we've been able to think up is 1.) Suicide Help Line (not v.g. as mum has tendency to cause suicides) 2.) Daycare Worker (turned down as mum scares small children) and 3.) Professional Friend (you know, where people pay other people to be their friend. Think this one might actually work, what with mum's co-dependency problem and all.) 

After torture session was over, we went to Mark's parents house. Really actually v. lovely as 1.) Admiral Darcy was also pissed and 2.) Elaine doesn't mind smoking in the house. We talked for a while, then just sat around. It's always nice to go over to his parents, because they really are v. sweet. Also Mark is extra nice (and horny come to think of it) after we go over there, and is talking about how he wants what they have. Is really v. v. nice. 


	3. Monday 11 January

**_Monday 11 Januaray _**

_126 lbs (hurrah! increased shagging leads to weightloss!), alcohol units: not important really (what with shagging and all), calories 1564 (need food in order to stay in top form), number times left house in three day weekend 0 (well, unless you count opening the door for the delivery man) _

8:45am: Think have finaly recovered from Turry Curry Buffet. Mark just finished a case, and since I only have to work when I want (love the lovley work-when-ever-I-want freelance job) we spent the three day weekend in bed. Well, more all over the house really. Mmm. Wonder what I should do today. Best call Jude and see what she says. 

9:00am: Pft. Jude said she was in the middle of some important meeting, but we'll have lunch at 192. Best invite Shaz too. 

3:45pm: Lunch went very well. Jude suggested that I call Adam at the Independent, and ask if there are any celebrities I could interview. Really is very good idea. Maybe he will let me be a reporter for a premire. All the stars will stop by and answer all my questions. Will become known as world's best primere journalist, and be invited to all the best posh parites. HAH! 

4:15pm: BUGGER! Must call Shaz, Jude, Tom and Magda for emergancy sumbit! 

1:01am: Hah! That'll show the bassard. No one-oops, lamp there- makes fool of Bridget Jonzzzz. 

**_Tuesday 12 Januaray _**

_128 lbs (stress adds weight I once heard), alcohol units: 23 (v. good concidering the circamstances), calories 3400 (greesy bar food), number times immagined horrified look on Colin Firth's face: 431 _

11:54am: Ugh. Mark left note taped to my head. Bloody incinsitive of him really. Think will protest by not reading. He could have left it on the pillow. What kind of person leaves a note on their partner's forehead? 

12:05pm: Oh god. Memory of yesterday just came back. 

I was thinking of phoning Adam, when the phone rang. 

"'lo?" 

"May I speak with Bridget please?" 

"This is Bridget." 

"This is Adam, from the Independent." 

"I was just about to call y-" 

"You're set to interview Colin Firth Wednesday at the Savoy, room number 314-" 

"Colin Firth? You must be joking, I mean" 

"Be there." 

Then he hung up. Just like that. No bloody conisderation for me at all. Doesn't he remember what happened last time? Ugh! 

Tom suggested I suddenly go into labour, but then we had debacle of acting being pregnant. Jude suggested I go in, then throw up, and Shaz suggested I walk into Adam's office, and throw somthing. Magda wondered what the fuss was about. 

"Well you already interviewed him once didn't you? It shouldn't be so horrible a second time? What's the film name?" 

"The Importance of Being Ernie, or something." 

"There you go. I'm sure he won't even remember you." 

Was sure Magda wasn't right, but decided not to argue, but to drink. Spent most of the night trying to remember not to ask about the Shirt or if he'd ever leave his wife for a thirty-something journalist. 


	4. Tuesday 12 January Cont

**_Tuesday 12 January_**

12:30am: Hmm. Maybe should read note. Although v. insensitve, may be note to have me meat him for wonderful trendy mini-break. 

B.- 

Left this on your forehead as I was sure you'd find it there. I hope everything er, went alright last night. Call me when you wake up. 

-Mark 

Harmph. I don't leave sticky notes to his forehead just for him to call me. Or anywhere else for that matter. Will just go back to sleep, and will call him if I feel like it. 

3:00pm: Just called mark, and he suggested I do research online. Now only have to figure out how to work his bloody computer. Hah! Right. Click on that button. 

Google? What in the world is a Google? Oooh. Perhaps is Mark's secret stash of internet pornography. Oh. Oh no. Is just some search thiggies. Oh well. Right. Will just type in 'Colin Firth'. Now what? Oh. Push that button. 

Hurrah! Am internet goddess. Have millions of Colin sites at my fingertips. Hmm. Wonder what it would be like to have millions of men lusting after me, devoting entire websites to me. 

Afirthionado? That's clever. Will just pop in and take some notes. 

Cannot believe did not think of internet before! Is bloody amazing what you can find! Hah! See, here says Colin's birthday is on the same day as Marks! Only, well, a month earlier. Mark's in in October. Ugh. There's his wife. Colin's- not Mark's- she really is v. pretty though. Bitch. 

Hah! His next film is The Importance of Being Earnest not The Importance of Being Ernie. Thought that was a bit odd. Ooh! You can watch the trailer online. Love the speedy internet! 

6:07pm: Hurrah! I popped in the message board, and the lovely girls got me all set up! I told them I was set to interview Colin, but hadn't the faintest idea what to ask, and they sent me all the best questions. They also said they remembered my last interview, and liked it v. much. They also pointed me to several interviews online, that really helped boost my confidence. Will be interview star! Hm. Should probably watch trailer again though, just to be sure I know everything. 

"Bridget?" 

Mark came up behind me before I could close out anything. He leaned down, and started to kiss me on the neck. Really love it when he does this. He's always smells nice when he comes home from work. I thought I had gotten by without him noticing the screen, when he started unbuttoning my shirt and talking in my ear. 

"You've seen the trailer 64 times, Bridget?" 

Was about to interrupt, but seeing as how Mark's ability to multitask while undressing always distracts me, I didn't bother. It really is amazing though. I can't help but think had he ever done this with his ex-wife, she wouldn't have shagged Daniel. Daniel certainly never did anything like this. He just came home, opened the fridge, and watched football all night. Mark at least comes to see me before he sits in front of the telly. Mmpft. Mm. V.v.g. 


	5. Wednesday 13 January

**_Wednesday 13 January _**

_130 lbs (v.g. as have heard Colin doens't like stick-insects), alcohol units 8, calories 1854, ciggaretts: 54 (help calm self) number times wanted to crawl under couch or similar furnature: 1,543,691 _

6:51am: Mm. Sun really is v. bright. Maybe for birthday Mark could find way to turn it down. Am sure have seen lots of telly programs where they do that. Seem to remember mice doing it once. Ugh. Who's calling at this time? 

"Hello?" 

"Right. Listen up Bridget..." is stupid Adam from Independent. "you've got till six, that's 11 hours from now, to get us your fucking article. ARTICLE, not transcript, article." 

"Right. Got it." 

"And Bridget, don't forget. You're meeting him at eleven at the Savoy. Don't fuck it up this time." Hmmmpf. 

10:30am: GAH! Cannot find knickers anywhere! 

10:59am: Mark finally found my knickers in the refridgorator. That's when I remembered I had left them in there to do a science experament, only cannot remember what actual experament was. Right. Room 31- GAH! Is *deffiantly* not that room, unless he has suddenly become transvestite. Not of course that there's anything wrong with that. But, well. 

Here we are. Room 318. Think this is right room. Oh god. I can't do this. What if he remembers me? Will be absolute nightmare! I should just go right now an- 

"Ms. Jones? If you'll come right this way we'll get you started." 


	6. Wednesday 13 January Cont

**_Wednesday 13 January_**

11:01am: "Hello?" Hmm. Doesn't seem to be anyone in here. Poofy doorman just let me into the entry way, and saying Mr. Firth would be right up. Maybe he is in bathroom. Should probably just wwait here in entry way. 

11:02am: Am sure though that he woulnd't want me to wait. Probably meant for me to go ahead and make myself at home.Will peak into living room and see if he is there. 

11:04am: Starting to think this isn't the right room. There seems to be rose petals scattered all over the floor and candles are lit lining the floor. Is really v. romantic. Maybe he forgot about he interview and decided to have sexy afternoon with wife. 

11:05am: Skinny-stick-legged bitch. 

11:08m: Oh god. Cannot believe it. 

Have walked into living room with candles and flowers everywhere. Was looking around when felt someone come up behind me. He didn't say anything, just started kissing my neck, putting his hands round my waist. 

"Mr. Firth sends his deepest apologies," Mark Darcy...my Mark Darcy...was whispering into my ear. "He was most disappointed not to see his favorite," he pulled me closer into him, "sexiest reporter." 

"I love you Bridget, and I want you. And I need you." 

Oh god. Oh god. Can't stand. Oh god. 

"Bridget..." he was kissing my head, kissing everything. 

"Will you marrry me?" 

Oh god. Ohgodohgodohgodohgod. I think I'm crying. I still can't stand. Oh god. Before I know what's happening he's turned me around in his arms and I'm putting my arms around his next whispering yes a million times into his chest. And there, now he's left me to stand on my own and has gotten down on his knee and has the most beautiful baby blue box... 


	7. Thursday 14 January

**_Thursday 14 January_**

6:57am: Oopft. Bloody sun. One would think we'd be able to find some sort of way to turn it down in the morning. It's v. nessisary for it to be so bright. Honestly. Would have though Tony Blair would have adressed this by now. 

7:15am: Was looking at ceiling and the pretty light made by ring when Mark Darcy woke up. Think he may have actually been awake for awhile but that he was just watching me. Is nice having someone to watch/have watch over you. 

7:18am: Am still in bed with Mark. He's playing with my hair, and I'm looking at my ring trying to think how to tell mum. 

"Mark...you didn't tell my mum did you?" Oh god. Now he's grinning at me. 

"Well, no, but I think she may have figured it out when I called to tell her we were coming." 

"We're coming?" 

"I thought we'd go up this afternoon." 

Fuck. 

"It's not going to be that bad." He's hugging me to him again. God, he has the greatest chest. "I promise nothing bad will happen." 

"Oh fuck!" 

"What?" 

"I was supposed to have my interview in to Adam by si..." he's laughing at me. My finance is actually laughing at me. Bastard. "It's not funny! How was I supposed to know?" Start hitting him round the head and laughing and suddenly we're shagging all over the room. 

11:20pm: Am in bed with Mark after exhausting day at Mum's. Mark's parents were there too, so wasn't too bad as able to talk to Elaine. It turns out that Mark had already told them, along with Jude, Shaz, Magda, Jeremy and Tom (who got Adam at Independent to play along). Mum kept shoving pieces of horrible fabric at me trying to tell me what bridesmaids I should have and what their headbands should be made out of. Honestly. Is not like am getting married tommmrow. 

11:22pm: Although come to think about it, when are we getting married? Maybe Mark is only asking so to pretend that he is commiting. _Relationships: The Effect of the Ex-Wife_ was mentioning something about that and ho- 

12:17am: Was Mark telling me to put down journal and sleep, as have very busy day tommrow, although he didn't say what. Was distracted by him groping my ass to pay attention. Oofmph! 


End file.
